Goodbye to Love Composition: An Essay about an End to a
Marriage
I did not remember the flowers... Yeah, the house is too much to
deal with right now. Just not sure how it would fit into this life.
How are the divorce papers coming? I have a few things to say to you
that I thought might be better said in writing... The decision you
made to end the marriage was, as you know, a terribly difficult one
for me. I didn't want it and never would have chosen it myself. I
still believe that there's great value and honor in the commitment I
made to go through together whatever comes, and I am changed by the
fact that that was not a commitment we shared in the end. It changes
my sense of safety and trust in the world-- though I don't think
necessarily for the worse.
I can accept my powerless over people,
places and things better somehow now; I feel less expectation; but
it's been hard to let go of the dream that we would be together,
working out the problems as they came. There's been a great deal of
sorrow and tumult in my life this year as a result of your decision.
Naturally, and only now am I coming back to my "true self" in
a consistent way. By that I mean, only now do I wake up every day
and feel like myself again. I know you know that this was a painful
event for me. I am sure it was painful for you. I still have times
when I just don't get it, but I'm learning to accept that I don't
GET to get it all the time when it comes to other people's choices.
(You taught me that.) I will grieve for a long time that I won't get
to hear you in the other room singing to the pets; that I will never
return to "the space" and the love and safety I felt there (although
the safety was, I think, something I made up out of a need for it
from my own childhood); that I won't ever get to make rosemary
shortbread for our Solstice or see our child in your arms. These and
MANY other things I will regret for a long time.
You gave me so many things, and I am so very grateful. You taught me
to make the effort to be kind; you showed me that it was worth it
for the sake of love. You taught me how to check my strong sense of
justice (and judgment) against the effects it might have on others.
You taught me love is more important than being "right". With you I
learned how to fight cleaner, how to talk things out better, and how
to make a strong loving family out of nothing. These are priceless
gifts that I will carry with me the rest of my life. One more thing
you did for me: you left, and I had to get through it. I have
learned this year that my ability to handle what happens to me
greatly exceeds my expectations. I thought I would die if you left
me; I had this idea that I would crumble, that I'd have to go live
with my mom and curl up in bed for months. This is so untrue, and I
have some amends to make to myself for thinking so little of my
strength. I did cry a lot and have some wild times, but I used the
loss of you to write the best play of my life so far; I learned
about men and made deep lasting friendships; I found support and
just got the fuck through it, through something I really thought
would destroy me. It really was my greatest fear, that you would
leave; that's why I didn't listen well when you kept saying you
hated being married or that you wanted out. I couldn't hear it cause
I was too scared of it. I'm sorry about that. But once your greatest
fear happens, you never have to have it again. You gave me that,
that freedom from the fear of being left, and the calm of knowing
that other people cannot make the world a safe place for you; I
never have to expect that from anyone again, and be hurt and
terrified when it doesn't happen.
Don't get me wrong. I do not admire the part of you that cannot deal
with the marriage, and that chose to leave me by phone, and that
seems to be able to do this with so little affect, etc, etc. I'm not
saying that in my book what you did is ok or whatever. I'm not sure
at all that I forgive you. But it has given me strength and focus
and a sense of myself that I have never had, and I am so grateful
for that. Now, the point of all this: I need you to get this divorce
papers shit worked out. I want my name back. I want to be
responsible for just my life again. I want to be able to be with an
unmarried woman. I feel it's your responsibility to take care of
this, since this was your choice; I do NOT feel comfortable taking
care of divorce proceedings on my own, although I will if you won't
get it done. and I are considering moving in together in the next
few months and I want us to be able to do it with this behind me.
I'm not sure what's in the way for you re: getting this done; maybe
it's just a pain in the ass to do, maybe there's a part of you that
doesn't want to deal with the emotions of fully breaking ties. But
it's time to do it if we're going to move on. I love you, and
always will, in a way that's specific just to you. I'm sorry our
relationship had to evolve in this way, but I also feel like it's
right, for whatever reason. I will miss so much about our life
together; I feel it was a good life, with so much fun and good
conversation and coffee and friends and love.
I don't think I'll ever fully understand
why you had to go but I am accepting it and I am learning that my
capacity to love others is deeper and stronger than I thought.. it
surprises me to find that it hasn't been damaged, I'm open and still
want to give, even if it's not to you. Thank you for all the lovely
days of talking and laughing and crying over "I Was Meant For the
Stage" in the kitchen in each others arms. Please take care of this
stuff so I can go.
Love Gladys
本網站的內容適合學生使用或作為老師課堂上的補充教材。但是把
本文複製到您的網站是不允許的。
如果你喜歡本網站的內容，您可以使用下面的HTML代碼直接鏈接到本網站。
|
<a href="http://www.my-english-writing.com">英語作文</a>
|
或者把這網址www.my-english-writing.com
直接貼上您個人或學校的網站上免費與大家一起分享本網站的英語作文。
英語作文...
實用文章是由一些學生的作文經由本網站老師批改後的實際範文，修改並附錯誤部份的解說，學生可以透過別人的錯誤做學習，達到事半功倍的效果??聰明的人可以從別人的錯誤中糾正自己的錯誤，智慧的人可以從別人的經驗中豐富自己的經驗...
Copyright
©
www.my-english-writing.com
英語作文
